Changing the Future of my Family

I’ve made a decision, that essentially changes the future of my family. I’ve decided to take down my crib. Several of my friends had completed this task as soon as their baby was in a toddler bed. But I held out hope that we would have another baby. By keeping my crib up it was a sign that there was still time or hope that another baby would soon join our family. 

I am a very happy mother of three energetic children and four four-legged furry children, however I thought I would have more children to call my own. That is not in our plan. 

We assembled the crib 12 years ago, Mother’s Day weekend, in our first house in the Glebe. DH did not know the sex of the baby instead we called it Chicken and the baby after was Chicken 2 and finally Chicken 3. We decorated our nursery with a nature theme, bugs bedding, blue and green walls and a solid Canadian sourced Maple crib. 

KT our oldest loved the crib. She cooed, gurgled and peacefully fell asleep. She might have been the perfect baby. AndiePandie fought the crib with every once of her 8 pounds 6 ounces. She screamed, cried, vomited. Nothing worked, she did not sleep a single night in that crib.  She curled up like a little butter bean, between her dad and I in the big bed, and slept soundly. At that point the crib started to be a home for wayward stuffies. Beckett followed the same path as AndiePandie. He was our little yellow chicken, jaundice and a cluster feeder. The crib was filled was stuffies by this point and there was no room for him. With three babies under 5, we didn’t care where we slept, or whom slept in what bed, the main objective was to sleep. I didn’t know at the time, but we were a family of co-sleepers. 

Twelve years to the day that we brought that crib home, it looks like we will be taking it down this Mother’s Day weekend. 

My heart is heavy knowing there will be no more big, fat Guthrie babies to put in the crib. To say I am unhappy would be untrue. I am blessed with a healthy family and for that I am thankful. I will, however, forever wonder what a future with four, five of even six mini me’s may have been like, what their names may have been and who they would have taken after. 

We will gently wrap our crib in soft sheets and protective cover. The crib will sit idle until the day, years from now one of my children whispers in my ear, “Mom, you are going to be a Grandma”. 

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